Swamp Thing, Part II

It still hasn't been quite hot enough at night to try out the swamp cooler, but at 85 degrees, this weekend is getting close.

I stayed home last night (Friday), did three loads of laundry, talked more with my roommate about our current state of directionlessness, and read a Jungian psychology book called "Swamplands of the Soul: New Life in Dismal Places" by James Hollis.

I particularly liked this passage on page 72:

Thus we are forced into a difficult choice-- anxiety or depression. If we move forward, as our soul insists, we may be flooded by anxiety. If we do not move forward, we will suffer the depression, the pressing down of the soul's purpose. In such a difficult choice one must choose anxiety, for anxiety at least is a path of potential growth; depression is a stagnation and defeat of life.

Part-Time Lover of Life

The library system I interviewed with yesterday conducts interviews every six months with different configurations of jobs each time. This time around, if I want to work in adult services (and I don't think I want to revisit children's librarianship), I will most likely be offered something part-time.

I was really looking forward to building my bank account back up and being able to go to the doctor again, but at the same time, a part-time job sounds dreamy, especially now that I'm feeling old and cranky. My fear is that I wouldn't ever want to go back to full-time work! I would have to give up my car to work part-time indefinitely.

I could possibly supplement the job by picking up extra hours at the library or finding some interesting side work. It could be an ideal situation. At least I could rest easy that my basic bills would get paid.

If they don't offer me anything, I may be back to working full time in an office for what amounts to little more than a part time salary. That'll be depressing.

One of the women at the design company where I'm working temped around for years while trying to become an actress. She would run to auditions during her lunch hour but said the traffic in L.A. would no longer allow for that. She had resisted working in an office most of her life and turned down all the offers she received while temping, but she now runs this office with her partner, who owns the business.

They just hired another woman who is originally from France. She stayed home for three years with her baby and loved it. She said she doesn't understand women who complain about being home with the kids, as she read books while the baby slept and met friends every day for lunch. Sounds nice...

Back to the Books II

The East Hollywood badminton party on Saturday was indeed fun (although I didn't play long enough to put that in all caps), but my second round of dancing at the Derby on Sunday was a bust. As in Austin, the young, good lindy hoppers took over the floor, and although I do enjoy watching good dancing, I don't like spending the bulk of the evening as an audience member.

Tonight was my college alumni dinner, which involved a large, scrumptious spread of free food and some interesting conversation, so I'm glad I went. Yet there were only six of us there (a political writer, a reality show producer, an aspiring actress/ feng shui practitioner, a woodworker, a documentary filmmaker, and me), and somehow I doubt I will be seeing anyone again outside of alumni events.

My library interview is tomorrow. My current place of temporary employment has begun making noises about keeping me on as a permanent employee, but once again, I don't think the place is for me. Finding the ideal job is as difficult as finding the ideal boyfriend. It's hard to find interesting social interaction, intellectual stimulation, decent pay, reasonable hours, a nice boss, and a short commute in the same place!

All in all, going back to my original career is seeming like the best bet. I spoke on the phone this weekend with a friend of mine who recently thought she had quit teaching for good. She was feeling a lot of relief over never having to grade another paper again. After exploring other careers, though, she is back teaching and said, "I guess that's what I am, a teacher." Well said.

It's occuring to me that I am recreating my same general lifestyle (and corresponding discontents) in L.A. As they say, wherever you go, there you are. And I might add, there "they" are (the same problems).

I read over a blog today, written by a friend of a friend, about a similarly life-changing, restless move from Seattle to Asheville (which sounds like Austin forty or so years ago):

http://hightechsurvivor.blogspot.com

fun vs. FUN

I was thinking the other day that while I've had "fun" here, I've yet to have FUN. Busting a gut kind of fun.

That may be about to change though as I'm going to a badminton party this weekend. Badminton is FUN. Especially drunken party badminton.

Shout out...

...to my librarian friend C., who corrects my grammar and spelling mistakes so that I can get that book deal!

She let me know several posts back that it is "craft services" not "Kraft services." I had always wondered why people on the set had to eat crappy Kraft foods like Velveeta cheese.

Although, really, "craft" services is a bit pretentious.

More Sleepless Nights

I started my new gig today after enduring another night of insomnia. Those sleepless nights before starting a new job are becoming the lowest points of my life. Really, they are just the worst.

The job itself is fine. Very close to where I live and near lots of nice restaurants that are more affordable than the ones I frequented while working in Hollywood. It's a very small office though, and they specialize in gay and lesbian marketing. No crush potential for moi.

Los Angeles, the "New" New York

From another LA Weekly Article, this one about Michael Govan's attempts to build up the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (laweekly.com/general/features/the-encyclopedic-city/16642/?page=3):

It’s not so easy here.
It’s not so easy here.

Why is that?
I don’t know. In New York, they’ll tell me, “Oh, L.A. can never be a New York and can never be a great cultural capital because it’s not like New York and it’s all spread out.” How many times do you hear that?

Once a day.
Once a day. Well, as far as I can see, cities have often changed their compositions over many ancient centuries to the present. And there’s always been culture and great cities, and it’s taken different forms depending on the kind of shape the city took. So let’s say all the future cities look like L.A. New York looks like Europe, but [what] was the last city you saw that was like New York? Shanghai, Beijing, Mexico City, Seoul — they all look like L.A. And so there’s going to be a different model. We’re just going to be part of that.

Rats!

The first article in today's LA Weekly is by a woman who moved here from New York and was happy to be living a rat-free lifestyle until...

Let's just say her story is remarkably similar to mine, down to the roommate on vacation and the late night trip to the kitchen:

laweekly.com/general/a-considerable-town/rats-i-say/16661/

Casting About

Caught a documentary called "Casting About" at Laemmle's Music Hall in Beverly Hills last night. It's basically a montage of actresses auditioning for a particular film.

I thought the protagonist of "Hollywood Dreams" seemed particularly needy and cloying, but perhaps not. The nervous desperation of the actresses in this film set my teeth on edge. I felt like I was watching the most nerve wracking bits of a job interview over and over.

I'm glad I don't want to be an actress, but I still think, despite its bad rap, that casting could be an interesting career.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Visited my seventh placement agency (third in entertainment) since moving to Los Angeles today. Took all the computer tests again-- Word, Excel, typing. The Excel test was actually quite difficult, and I had to struggle through it during what has become my afternoon naptime.

I was sent home with a temp assignment that starts tomorrow and lasts a couple of weeks. Front desk at another advertising agency (ad agencies falling under the entertainment umbrella), but this one is in my neighborhood, and I'm thankful for that.

I was told again that asking for a minimum starting salary in the mid-thirties is a bit much for entertainment. So crazy. The agent I spoke with, who was very nice, floated an interesting job possibility by me, but it only pays in the high 20s. The 20s!

Sugar Babies

I've had to become comfortable with men treating me to nice dates here; there was a lot more "going dutch" in Austin. Partly this difference is due to the seriousness of both careers and dating here, partly it's because I've been too poor to protest much, and partly it's due, no doubt, to the fact that I have yet to date any aspiring actors. I do feel bad that I can't reciprocate with much of anything right now, since I'm not in a position to throw parties or gather friends together like I was in Austin.

Several of my L.A. friends have, in the past, received substantial sums from former dalliances to cover living expenses, so I guess I shouldn't feel that guilty about a drink or dinner.

Ahead of the Curve

My friend from Austin who recently visited thinks I'm too young, at 37, to be having a midlife crisis. I say, I was always ahead of the curve.

I found another interesting midlife piece today called "Mid-Life Crisis: It's Not Just for Men Anymore" by Laura Young, Blogcritics Magazine 7/22/05. Despite my financial losses, I did take a year to mull over this move, and think I took more of a risk than a gamble:

The fact that many people at mid-life have accumulated the skills, financial cushion and talent to make true consideration of career and lifestyle changes possible is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. The trickiest part for both the men and the women that I have spoken with appears to be in making the distinction between a "risk" and a "gamble."

Simply stated, a risk is calculated. You know you could lose, but you are able to take an educated guess as to what is at stake and how the loss could impact you. Having a "worst case scenario" in mind helps you to know what kind of safety net needs to be in place in order to make a mid-life transition possible. Analysis of the situation with a confidante or coach also helps an individual differentiate between psychological "heebie jeebies" and rational fears that need to be taken into consideration. Very difficult questions are faced directly and no actions are taken until careful consideration of the answers.

Despite all my past experience and giving it a pretty good go, it looks like the entertainment industry doesn't have use for me, but I am heartened, also, by this (from CareerJournal.com, "Midlife Crisis Becomes an Issue for More Women, by Sue Shellenberger):

Without exception, the women who made big midlife changes said that if given the chance to do it all again, they would embrace new undertakings even more wholeheartedly. Every one of the women who entered fully into midlife crisis, taking risks and exploring new opportunities, was enthusiastically glad that she had. Their only regrets were in failing to start sooner or to take more chances.

The Little People

Shopped again today, this time at a store called "It's A Wrap" on South Robertson that resales clothes formerly owned by the studios. Some of the racks have signs designating what sitcom or soap opera they originated from.

Unfortunately, 90% of the clothing is "extra small" or "small" due to the tiny stature of showbiz folks. I only bought two items; I'd like to thank the little people for that. My roommate has put on 10 pounds, is now a size 2, and frets that her acting career is over as a result.

Still haven't heard from entertainment placement agency #1 but interview with #2 tomorrow. The library interview is next week. The clock is ticking, and I believe the writing is on the wall. I am assuming that in a couple of weeks I'll be back in the book stacks.

From the article "It's A Living: Unless you're in the Industry, that is" by Mark Lacter, Los Angeles Magazine, June 2007:

"A lot of people willing to go for it have something to fall back on," says Jaime Waugh... She's shopping a novel and a screenplay but also has a 30-hour-a-week day job as a researcher for the Los Angeles Unified School District... For many the trick is to find something that at least has a creative slant-- publishing, design, teaching... Waugh.... has these words of wisdom: "You're not choosing a career, you're choosing a lifestyle."

So, I could look at librianship as my creative fall back position, which would allow me to, what? I guess keep up my blog. I smell book deal!

Take That!

There's a great article about perceptions of Los Angeles, "Listen to the Locust" by John Powers, in the July 2007 edition of Los Angeles magazine. It can be found online at www.lamag.com.

Two paragraphs stood out:

Now, one understands the temptation to explain Los Angeles metaphorically, even mythically. It’s fun to think of cities as being larger than life. L.A.’s sheer vastness beggars our attempts to know it. Too huge and various for anyone to master, it has the elusiveness of modern experience itself. Indeed, Los Angeles embodies trends many people find most unsettling about contemporary life: the endless influx of people, the decentered sprawl that resists hierarchy, the ceaseless change instead of enduring memory (Bobby Kennedy was shot where?), the preference for pop culture over high culture (although Disney Hall straddles the two), and the obsession with self-definition.

and-

The very things that make this majority-minority city messier and more demotic also make it more interesting than ever. But don’t take my word for it. Ask Werner Herzog, the crazy-ass German filmmaker best known for Fitzcarraldo and Grizzly Man, who has spent a long, globe-trotting career in search of newness, epiphany, great ecstasy. He now lives here, and accepting an award from the Los Angeles Film Critics Association last year, Herzog startled the crowd by calling this “the city with the most cultural substance in the United States.”

Spending Money I'm Not Making

There's a great flea market on Sundays at the corner of Melrose and Fairfax. Lots of good used furniture to be had as well as funky pictures, clothes, and jewelry. Stopped by yesterday afternoon on my way to Runyon and scooped up several necklaces.

I need a paycheck soon...

A Haven from Traffic

A friend was in town from Austin with her family this past weekend, and on Friday afternoon at 2 p.m. I drove to West L.A. to pick her up. I learned a new lesson-- Friday afternoon traffic to the coast is best avoided. Oy vey! It took me an hour to drive about seven miles.

Once I picked her up we made a stop at The Lake Shrine at Sunset and PCH; it's a picturesque Hindu oasis tucked away from view at that intersection. From there we drove to Topanga Canyon (again, slowly) and caught up on things while we hiked.

Dancing at the Derby

I've decided to make use of this unintended summer vacation and try all the things I have previously been unable to do. To that end, I drove across town to Los Feliz tonight to check out the Sunday night swing dance (with live music) at The Derby.

Several people told me the crowd was thinner than usual, but it seemed substantial to me. The age range was older than what I was used to in Austin, with a significant number of dancers over the age of forty. The twenty and thirtysomethings seemed to become the majority after 11 p.m., but even then it was a pretty mixed crowd. Another difference from the Austin scene was that most of the women were wearing dresses and many of the men had on suits and ties. Several fedoras were in attendance.

The dancers were friendly (and good); I danced several times and as a bonus met a sweet Italian guy.

It felt really nice to participate in a social scene; I have been feeling so atomized here. The week after next I'm attending a college alumni event at The Grove, which I'm looking forward to for the same reason.

Waking from Oblivion

I saw Mark Wahlberg in a Ralph's grocery Sunday afternoon. He was wearing sunglasses while shopping for groceries.

Waiting Games

The entertainment placement agency didn't call with any temp jobs this week, and just as I was about to contact a prior agency for some generic office work, I received an e-mail from yet another entertainment agency (which also places personal assistants) about scheduling an interview. I had contacted them upon first arriving in L.A. and never heard back and then sent them another resume at the end of May.

So now I have an interview with that place next Wednesday and my second interview with the library system the following week. In the meantime I have decided to forego the generic temp work I have been doing and put my faith in either an entertainment job (temporary or permanent) or a library job working out.

I recently saw an ad on one of the entertainment sites for a job that listed the hours as 8-6. I know most of those positions require overtime, but it's ballsy that they would list the official hours as forty-five per week.

My roommate is also out of work at the moment and so we are both doing the "ladies of leisure" routine around the apartment.

During this downtime I caught another L.A.-themed movie on HBO called "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" with that little scamp Robert Downey, Jr. It wasn't great, but it was entertaining, which is more than I can say for "Ocean's Thirteen."

I did also make it to the beach at Point Dume for some sun and surf; of course, there was a film crew set up on the beach.

Last night I went to see the Upright Citizens Brigade, a comedy/improv troupe, on a block of Franklin Street in Hollywood that I hadn't visited before. In addition to the UCB Theatre, there's a used bookstore and a couple of cool restaurants along there, and across the street, oddly, is the Scientology Celebrity Center. The show was only $5, with no valet parking or required meals tacked on, but then, you get what you pay for. It was amusing enough, but the performers (and crowd) were very young and obviously using UCB as a training ground.

Good Old Garrison

Garrison Keillor weighs in on L.A.:

http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2007/06/13/keillor/index.html

Deja Vu

Went to a party in the Hollywood Hills on Saturday with my friend A. It was a "Burning Man" crowd-- hula hoops, tarot cards, dreads. I felt like I was back in Austin.

I enjoyed having the last two weeks off but am now back in limbo, with that Sopranos finale intensifying my sense of drift. My interview with the library won't be scheduled until after the 25th, and I haven't heard anything back from the new entertainment temp agency yet.

I did drive up to Burbank yesterday to check out a digital media company where one of the men I've been on some dates with works. There are only three such companies in the U.S., and this one is the largest. I don't have a grasp on everything they do, but in a nutshell, well, they digitize media. One aspect of that is the restoration of film; I saw someone working on a film in which a young Scott Baio played a Little Leaguer. All that time, effort, and equipment, so a preteen Scott Baio can be restored for our viewing pleasure. Yet it was an impressive place.

The drive up there took me around 35-45 minutes, but then I wasn't driving during rush hour. Burbank isn't on the same walkable, human scale as where I live; it's the land of office parks.

I'm driving out to Point Dume today in Malibu to go swimming. I believe that's Planet of the Apes territory.

Dating on Location

There was a film crew shooting at Greystone Park yesterday when I met my date. We then went hiking in Franklin Canyon, and a woman wearing nothing but a scanty blouse was participating in a photo shoot at the entrance to the hiking trail. Only in L.A.

I was actually asked out on a date in the frozen food section of Whole Foods this morning, but I can't fit in another prospect at the moment. This guy said he was a "producer," but he seemed like a nice person.

I now think that Vogue (or was it Elle?)article about dating in L.A. had some truth in it. I seem to have hit a vein of very nice, smart, successful, late thirties/ early forties men looking for serious relationships. They all seem very sincere and are not the "player" types that one associates with Los Angeles. I don't think they've had an easy time on the dating scene here.

A Walk in The Park

I had a crazy easy interview with another entertainment temp agency this morning. I didn't even have to take their computer tests. It was just, "Oh, you seem like a great candidate, we'll get you out there to assist some top people." There's also some bad blood between them and another agency that put me through the ringer when I first moved to L.A.

As with my parking sticker, I may have suffered for nothing for the past five months. Although now the city has screwed up the parking records and denied my roommate a new sticker because I have one.

After the interview I met a date in the grounds of Greystone Mansion and Park in Beverly Hills. Very peaceful spot in the middle of the city.

Fun Jobs and Other Fairy Tales

I had lunch today with a very nice friend of a friend who works at CBS (walking distance!). He told me to look at their job listings and let him know what I might be interested in. I picked out a librarian job but am not sure I have the right technical background for it. I also chose an administrative assistant position in casting. Sounded interesting and fun! He then warned me, as did my roommate, that casting is the most grueling job in all of Babylon.

If I'm going to make a career change into entertainment, it's now or never, because I'm already so much more tired and cranky then I used to be. I don't know how much job stress I can take.

Living In Oblivion

My roommate had breakfast at a place around the corner a few weeks ago and saw Tim Allen there. She went again on Sunday and spotted Salma Hayak.

I'm sorry, readers, but I'm an oblivious person. I probably pass celebrities all the time and fail to notice them. The last famous person I spotted was the female love interest on the BBC version of "The Office" shopping at Whole Foods.

That's Entertainment

I'm pursuing some entertainment industry leads this week as I wait to hear more from the library. Tried another personal assistant agency on Sunset, but I had to ring a buzzer to get through the locked front door, and then the receptionist would barely give me the time of day. I have an interview on Wednesday with another entertainment temp agency; I'm thinking the best idea is for me to temp in the industry and build some connections during this waiting period. I also have a lunch date planned with an acquintance at CBS.

Coincidentally, I have three dates lined up this week with men who work in the industry. Those "creatives" are definitely my type... for better or worse.

I also caught up with my friend A., who had free passes to a screening of "Ocean's Thirteen" last night. I haven't seen A. in weeks and weeks. It's nice to finally have some free time to catch up with people! But now I know why it's been years since I've been to a theater to see a mainstream film. Pointless, unfunny, lazy,cliched, smug, boring... might as well have been watching paint dry. Of course, the theater was packed and everyone was laughing and seemingly enjoying themselves, proving that I am out of touch with 95% of humanity! I think there were about three other people in attendance for "Hollywood Dreams," which I, of course, was thoroughly engaged by.

Smote In The Eye

I woke up this morning with a scratchy feeling in my left eye. I have very poor health insurance at the moment, so every minor injury looms large. I bit the bullet and (finally) found a good clinic on Sepulveda at Olympic that is open on Saturdays. The doctor theorized that I might have had microscopic particles of sand under my eyelid that were scratching the surface each time I blinked. A Laguna Beach souvenir, if you will.

The only other thing I did today was see Henry Jaglom's "Hollywood Dreams." I confess that I'm a Jaglom fan from way back. The lead character, an aspiring actress, was incredibly needy and neurotic. Oy vey! She made me feel like a stoic.

The movie had me reflecting on my love/ hate relationship with this city. I'll be feeling happy to be here when BAM! all of a sudden I will feel repelled by the place.

While at the movie I saw a preview for an intriguing movie called "Broken English" starring Parker Posey. Burnout, bad dates, sleeping pills! What's not to like:
http://www.cinematical.com/2007/01/22/sundance-review-broken-english/