And now it is time to say farewell to Ye Olde Blog, my most trusted and constant companion on this journey of hardship and adventure.
At the nine month mark, I see only a few possible outcomes of my year in Los Angeles. Either the city system will come through for me with a librarian job (full or part time) before the end of October, when my name drops off their list, or the system I'm currently temping with will offer me a permanent position, either in my neighborhood or on the coast. If I'm offered one of the librarian jobs in the Malibu region, I will move to the coast and enjoy breathing the cleaner air.
Barring those possibilities working out, I will return to Austin, an idea I'm increasingly warming to only because it will enable me to scale back on my expenses. Maybe not to the extent of that kooky, forest-dwelling failed actor in "Grizzly Man," but perhaps to a level where I can feasibly work part time, if I find a roommate and give up my car or share it with someone.
I saw the movie "11th Hour" last night and agreed with the central premise, which is that "you can never have enough of the things you don't really want." Or as the song "Express Yourself" so eloquently puts it, "Some people have everything/ and other people don't/ but everything don't mean a thing if it ain't the thing you want."
Along that vein, I think the central issue of our time is the corporate takeover of the planet and subsequent ownership of our lives. The economic game is rigged such that you have to work full time just to survive (and in a lot of cases a full-time job won't even cut it). In order to compensate for the loss of control over your life and time and a lack of community outside of work, you begin to desire "things," which in turn demand even more of your time and money. You also begin to require an unusually exciting life outside of work to make sitting in a cubicle for 40 plus hours a week worth it.
I think when you are young and have hope and the comfort of being surrounded by a peer group in the same boat, you can sustain the illusion that trading your waking hours for money is worth it and will pay off in the end. When you get older, and friends fall away, and you start to age, and romantic relationships don't live up to the hype, reality sets in, the rose petals fall from the eyes, and the idea of trading your life for empty promises begins to grate. I tried a new city to see if things might be different, but my time in Los Angeles has only reinforced those beliefs. The entertainment industry is, indeed, for the young. If I return to Austin, my focus will be on putting all the good free stuff that is under my control back in my life- sleeping in, reading, hanging out, and afternoon naps! Health insurance be damned.
On that note, I am now taking my bow, leaving my fate a mystery. Please leave comments if you have 'em.
8 comments:
Nnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Say it isn’t so!
I’m bummed you’re giving up the blog. I’ve enjoyed your journey.
I’m sorry things aren’t working out the way you envisioned them. Yes, the entertainment industry is for the young. But as a local, I also know many people – smart and determined – who scratched and clawed through their 20s and 30s and didn’t get much further than you did. Or they ended up with some soul-depleting, pride-swallowing job.
A (tough) question --
You cite this quote: “you can never have enough of the things you don't really want.”
I don’t wanna get all subliminal but I wonder if that comment relates to your job choices. That is – the only jobs you accepted were ones you didn’t really want. And the entertainment industry-related gigs you were offered you turned down. Was it really scheduling conflicts that kept you from saying yes?
… And as for oil underneath L.A. or corporations taking over our lives or even the U.S. military being responsible for 9/11 – I dunno if you’re looking for monsters under the bed or people to blame or what but – and I say this with compassion cuz I’m on your team – get over it. Don’t blame “the man.” Every story has a guy in a black hat – don’t let him distract you.
Anyway. I hope you’ll sleep on this decision and keep on blogging. But if not, thank you for the time and effort you put in and good luck to you on down the road. You’re smart and you’ll wind up in the right place.
Maybe something will pan out at the last minute, I hope so (and then maybe you'll keep the blog going - I read it everyday).
Matt,
I think you represent 25% of my fan base. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who has hit a wall.
I interpreted that quote to mean that in the absence of getting the things you really want (respect, appreciation, control of your life, community, a social life, challenge, time, sleep, the outdoors), you overcompensate with things you don't really want (food, drugs, shopping, etc.). I thought that I might be able to get a sense of community from working in the entertainment industry, but since I can't really get my foot in the door, I don't know. I have met some great people who work in the industry, but they have been scattershot, so there's no sense of cohesion.
I really did have scheduling conflicts for those jobs, but I tried to make myself feel better by reminding myself that they were only temp jobs. They weren't exactly what I was hoping for (Activision is a video game company in Santa Monica, Variety of course is an industry pub, and, well, Warner was appealing but a bit of a drive, and I really know nothing about the music industry), but they were the closest I got.
Elizabeth A.
lilybelle,
You represent another 25%!
I'll email you if a librarian job comes through. I think the next three months are just going to be one long waiting period. I just don't feel I will have much to contribute to the blog, as I'm also taking a hiatus from dating.
Also, I think being a librarian here will lend itself to a similar lifestyle as being a librarian anywhere else...
What he said. ... No seriously. I'll miss the blog. My question for you has always been why you made the choice to move to LA. Were you going to or running from?
I fantasize about packing up the dogs and leaving, but frankly I don't know what I would be going to or why. If I'm dissatisfied with my life here, it's not going to change anyplace else. I don't think that a new location can change everything...sometimes it has to be from within.
And I wonder why, given all this posting lately, you wanted to go work in the entertainment industry of all things, which to me is basically big corporations minus the ethical standards. As a spin professional, I can say in all honesty that no industry does it quite like Hollywood.
This sounds judgemental but it's not. These questions are directed internally as much as anything. But you're there and I'm here, so I'm asking you.
L
Lisa,
Another 25%.
I think I needed to leave Austin because I felt I was banging my head against a wall. My friend J. said it best when she wrote me that it seemed her friends had nothing left to say to each other-- it had all been said and done after 10 years!
Think of all the great creative people we know in Austin-- the animators, writers, designers, cable access hosts, musicians, etc. I figured L.A. would be stock full of those folks, and of course they would be working in the industry. That has all been true. The problem is that, um, I can't work for free. Also, there are tons of interesting people here, but because the way the city is designed, it's really hard to meet 'em. And the truth is that even amongst the fruits and nuts in California, the majority of people our age have married and moved to the Valley.
I'm so sad to see your regular postings go -- I've really enjoyed reading about your experiences in Los Angeles -- and I hope you'll keep the blog up and continue to add to it from time to time.
Best of luck with everything. I'll be in touch "off line"
Perhaps you can find a job in a library in the entertainment field (or a library-related position in the entertainment field), I'm sure it's competitive but you can try. Anyway, thank you for the blog and for the advice, I really appreciate it.
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