Curtains

And now it is time to say farewell to Ye Olde Blog, my most trusted and constant companion on this journey of hardship and adventure.

At the nine month mark, I see only a few possible outcomes of my year in Los Angeles. Either the city system will come through for me with a librarian job (full or part time) before the end of October, when my name drops off their list, or the system I'm currently temping with will offer me a permanent position, either in my neighborhood or on the coast. If I'm offered one of the librarian jobs in the Malibu region, I will move to the coast and enjoy breathing the cleaner air.

Barring those possibilities working out, I will return to Austin, an idea I'm increasingly warming to only because it will enable me to scale back on my expenses. Maybe not to the extent of that kooky, forest-dwelling failed actor in "Grizzly Man," but perhaps to a level where I can feasibly work part time, if I find a roommate and give up my car or share it with someone.

I saw the movie "11th Hour" last night and agreed with the central premise, which is that "you can never have enough of the things you don't really want." Or as the song "Express Yourself" so eloquently puts it, "Some people have everything/ and other people don't/ but everything don't mean a thing if it ain't the thing you want."

Along that vein, I think the central issue of our time is the corporate takeover of the planet and subsequent ownership of our lives. The economic game is rigged such that you have to work full time just to survive (and in a lot of cases a full-time job won't even cut it). In order to compensate for the loss of control over your life and time and a lack of community outside of work, you begin to desire "things," which in turn demand even more of your time and money. You also begin to require an unusually exciting life outside of work to make sitting in a cubicle for 40 plus hours a week worth it.

I think when you are young and have hope and the comfort of being surrounded by a peer group in the same boat, you can sustain the illusion that trading your waking hours for money is worth it and will pay off in the end. When you get older, and friends fall away, and you start to age, and romantic relationships don't live up to the hype, reality sets in, the rose petals fall from the eyes, and the idea of trading your life for empty promises begins to grate. I tried a new city to see if things might be different, but my time in Los Angeles has only reinforced those beliefs. The entertainment industry is, indeed, for the young. If I return to Austin, my focus will be on putting all the good free stuff that is under my control back in my life- sleeping in, reading, hanging out, and afternoon naps! Health insurance be damned.

On that note, I am now taking my bow, leaving my fate a mystery. Please leave comments if you have 'em.

The Austin/ Hollywood Connection

Went to a small music venue called Hotel Cafe in Hollywood last night. It felt like being back in Austin, crowded around a small stage in the back of a club. Minnie Driver, who is allegedly dating the son of my mother's good friend (it's a small soup we all swim in), was performing songs from her latest album "Seastories." She opened the set by mentioning a songwriting club she is in with "musician Bob Schneider from Austin, Texas," and my sense of familiarity was complete.

Commitment

I wrote a friend over the weekend that I may be clinging emotionally to the escape hatch of Austin because I fear there really is no going back. I'm here and have to make it work.

Although I did some networking and signed up with a couple of new agencies while waiting on the library situation to pan out, I didn't take my job search all that seriously during those three months. Now I'm back on the stick. One of my dates over the weekend used to work for the #1 social networking website (you know the one), and he encouraged me to apply to all the "new media" companies in town, claiming that they are in hiring mode. Since Fox Interactive is right around the corner, I started with them. They do have a lot of jobs listed on their website, but then again, I had no luck trying to temp for them several months ago.

I also called in about my interest in interviewing for some jobs listed on one of my agency websites, only one of which is entertainment related.

My roommate D. is getting a bit panicky about finding work herself. She's applying for both acting jobs as well as rent-paying gigs. She actually gets responses from the Craigslist ads she applies to, which I find amazing and humbling. Not to paint too risque a picture, but we are both basically sitting around, scantily clad (due to the heat), typing furiously away at out laptops as we apply for jobs.

The Birds and The Lemons

There are hummingbirds in the flower bushes outside my front door these days, and I scooped up a large lemon that had fallen from a tree while walking home last week. Yet despite the fragrant atmosphere and all the increasingly interesting dates, my switch has yet to be flipped. I haven't had a bona fide crush since moving to L.A.

I do, however, have allergies (or a head cold), and I spent almost all of yesterday in bed reading "The Post-Birthday World" by Lionel Shriver. The protagonist in the novel is a woman in her early forties who is in a comfortable if plodding relationship but is tempted to abandon her ten-year partnership for a romance with a dashing but flighty snooker player. Alternating chapters follow the outcomes of staying or leaving, detailing the excitement along with the incredible tumult and stress that results from her choosing the snooker player but also demonstrating with the opposing storyline that there are no truly "safe" decisions. I related to the narrator's romantic conundrums but also drew parallels with my decision to leave Austin for L.A.

Red Room

Last night I watched a test preview of a documentary in the red screening room at Endeavor, the real-life "Ari Gold" agency.

I was invited by my friend Y., who is in town from Austin, and while sitting next to him during the viewing, I kept thinking I was back there. When the lights came up, and I remembered I was in Los Angeles, surrounded by strangers I was supposed to be schmoozing with, I felt disoriented.

Rock, Hard Place

Drove to Santa Monica for a tennis date with a guy who grew up in Houston and was (surprise, surprise) an RTF major at UT. Afterwards I had dinner with another good friend from Austin who is out here scouting work because, according to him, the entertainment market in Austin has run dry.

Our conversation definitely gave me pause regarding moving back. A couple more acquintances have moved from Austin since I left, and the last remnants of the old gang seem to have dissolved.

It's Decided

The hot water wasn't working in my apartment last night so I had to shower at LA Fitness this morning. While I was in the shower, the gym's fire alarm went off. I'm so glad this week is over.

It ended with some good news though (I guess). I found out I have some new tenants for my condo in Austin, and I will be earning more rent this time around. Looks like I won't be returning to Austin anytime soon...

After I found out about the tenants, one of the higher-ups at my job tried to talk me into staying on at the company. I am very susceptible to that kind of thing, but I think I'll be moving on. I'm feeling a little more optimistic about my job possibilities, as I've found out about a couple more entertainment placement agencies, am waiting to see what happens with the library, and am already being courted with new opportunities from one of my current agencies.

I so badly want a couple of weeks off though. I bought some guidebooks tonight on Los Angeles and environs and I realized I have barely scratched the surface!

Small Town Vs. Big Town

After eight years in Austin I felt that every new person I met was only one degree separated from me; we would almost always have at least one friend or acquaintance in common. At this point, I can't imagine that being the case in Los Angeles. Perhaps those incestuous connections are true within a particular industry, but even then, it's hard for me to imagine.

Although, I did find out last week that someone I dated in Austin and the husband of a friend of mine in L.A. both dated the same semi-famous woman.

Foreign Language

The other day a woman in my office said something in Hebrew and I thought she was speaking Esperanto.

I laughed to myself about this later. When I lived in central Austin, I knew people who spoke Esperanto but didn't know anyone who spoke Hebrew.

Another Week, Another Roller Coaster

I found out yesterday that the current tenants in my condo in Austin will be moving out in May. I'd be lying if I said I'm not sorely tempted by the prospect of throwing in the towel on L.A. and moving back. But, despite what appear to be my dismal prospects here, it does seem too soon to make that decision. There's some hidden parties up in those hills, and I'd like to attend a couple before splitting town!

I do think my decision to leave Austin and try something new was a sound one, but I'm just not sure I can build a life here, for reasons out of my control.

In terms of my workplace, I've taken a look up the ladder, and my desire to move upward has been, uh, greatly tempered (oh, how interesting this blog could be if I didn't feel I had to edit myself). Not to mention that almost everyone over the age of thirty appears hitched. Right now I'm just trying to cope with my current position, hoping it will at least cover the bills and that I can stick with it long enough to give L.A. a real chance. I love the short commute and the hours (I work a later shift) and have been pretty successful at walking into the job in the mornings with a good attitude. But then I encounter the chaos and find myself in yet another impossible, no-win situation, and I want to run screaming from the building! I'm still in the temp period and so could decide it just isn't working out, but I'd like it to work, for a while anyway. At least now I'm starting to have conversations with coworkers.

A different temp agency called me this week, dangling an interview for another temp-to-perm job. It was at a higher level, but the compensation, although slightly better, wasn't enough for me to take the risk. In truth, none of these jobs pay livable wages for a city this expensive. I've learned the hard way not to think of the people who work for employment agencies as job counselors. They are more like used car salesman, and if you're lucky, you'll end up with something you like reasonably well that has a minimum of problems. I've also seen some friendly personalities turn on a dime when I didn't behave a certain way. Enough said.

I went to the dentist this week and, big surprise, he told me I've been grinding my teeth at night.

I'm nearly finished with "The Royal Nonesuch" and recommend it highly. The author started a "naming" company while in Los Angeles, and I appreciated his insight on that type of business, as I temped for a "branding" company a few months ago. I definitely don't have the personality to work in marketing, although my skills would lead me there.

I know that if I go back to Austin I'll just be facing another long hard job search. I've started running the numbers and wondering whether if I moved back, found a roommate, and sold my car, I could survive on a part-time job at the Starbucks at 45th and Lamar (for the health insurance). Sadly, I think there's no way to get off the treadmill, if you want to eat.

I'm becoming happier and happier that I don't have kids!

Happy Anniversary to Me

Today marks my three-month anniversary in Los Angeles.

Last week, during my adjustment to the new job, I pondered whether I would choose, if I were able to do so, to snap my fingers and be back in my hobbit hole in Austin, at the old job, with this move to California having been nothing but a dream. I would say it was a toss-up. It's definitely been an exhilirating change, but I'm already worried about having lost the nice benefits I had at my old job. I'm also down about 10k, which in the large scheme of things is not that bad, but, considering my current salary and cost of living, I will have lost a lot more money than that by the end of the year.

Since I held onto my condo in Austin, I feel like I have one foot still there, and I'm not sure if having that "escape hatch" is such a good thing. From a practical stanpoint, yes, but maybe not from a psychological standpoint.

I have a date today and some flirtation possibilities at work, but out of the eight dates I've been on since moving here, I suspect that three of them were gay. Almost 50%! Not so encouraging.

I've also been overcome with anxiety and insomnia. For the most part, it's not conscious anxiety; I'll be happily watching Entourage, not a conscious concern in my head, only to turn off the TV and then lie in bed, completely unable to fall asleep. I just think it's unnerving to any human being to move to a new city without family or tight connections there. And I have a bunch of problems to solve that, when taken together, have led to an "overload on the system."

I've been exercising like a fiend as a way to cope. One of my yoga teachers, who looks like Frank Black (if you can imagine), said yesterday that L.A. is the "yoga capital of the world," with more yoga instruction than any other city. Or something like that.

As a positive effect of all this stress, I've lost about ten pounds.

I talked to a couple of Austin friends this week, and they mentioned the same old events that were attended by the usual suspects, and it didn't make me want to return. So I guess I just need to have faith that my new life here will fall into place somehow.

Temping Reconsidered

After my interview on Monday, I debated about calling in to the temp agencies or taking the rest of the week off, with the hopes that I would get a job offer soon. Out of guilt that I was wasting the week and that I needed to reestablish contact with two of my agencies, I called into one on Monday, but they didn’t get back to me with any work. So, after more internal debate, I called into another one on Tuesday.

It’s always a gamble. The agency may call with something appealing, or they may call with something that you don’t want to do, and then if you say no, there’s a mark against you.

This time I gave them my geographic parameters, and of course they called immediately the following day with an assignment outside of those parameters but with a promise that it would be a “fun” job in the “publishing industry” doing administrative work “for a trade show.”

So with visions of myself blowing up balloons for the booth of a book publisher, I acquiesced. It didn’t help my decision-making powers that the agency had woken me up and needed someone within the next two hours.

As it turns out, the company is a publisher of a couple of trade journals and the job is strictly data entry. Three full days of repetitive, mind-numbing data entry. I have to be here at eight, which means I have to get up by 6 a.m., since of course the job is again near Santa Monica. At least this time I get a real computer chair.

Needless to say, I’m in a black, black mood. They have already asked if I could come back next week, and I, of course, said no. Thank god I had the presence of mind to tell the temp agency that I was only available through Friday.

Oddly, at lunch today I ran into one of the few people I know in Los Angeles.

Anyway, I am planning to take next week off to regroup. I already did a review of my finances last night, and I’m not yet in a place where this type of soul-destroying work is financially necessary.

I’m really hoping that the travel industry job comes through. I liked the people, the offices, the hours, and the location, and the job sounds interesting. It’ll be tough to live on half the income I was making in Austin when it is so much more expensive here, but I’ll just have to hope for the best in terms of future job prospects with the company.

As I see it, if that job doesn’t work out, I have some combination of the following options:

1) Telling the temp agencies that I am now primarily interested in interviewing for permanent jobs and will only accept one-day temp assignments (out of fear of getting stuck in another unbearable situation).

2) Revisiting the personal assistant placement agency with an updated resume.

3) Picking a date at which I end the career exploration and submit an application for Los Angeles Public Library (which isn’t a sure thing, as they have a preference for Spanish or Asian language speakers, and there’s no guarantee they would have an opening within what I would consider a reasonable commuting distance). I have to keep in mind the city training that would be involved and the probable six months without benefits and decide whether I want to go down that path here. Perhaps a part-time librarian gig would be the answer.

4) Making a decision by May 1st that I will return to Austin and telling my real estate agent not to lease my place after the current tenants move out in June. This would be motivated by the desire to reduce my “burn rate,” since my living expenses in Austin were 1/3 of what they are here. I would then just make the most of my last two months here and would travel to Santa Barbara, Laguna Beach, etc. I’d like to stick it out a couple of years, though, so I hope the job situation isn’t bad enough to drive me to retreating that soon.

SXSW-- Ya'll Have Fun Now

On a Los Angeles morning radio show a couple of days ago they were discussing SXSW. Time has flown by so quickly; I can't believe the festival is about to begin.

I'll be missing Austin those couple of weeks.

Time Zones

The two-hour time difference makes it very difficult for me to communicate with my friends back in Austin. By the time I'm ready (and able, according to my cell phone plan) to talk, they are asleep.

Cheating on Austin

I moved to Los Angeles on December 30th, 2006. I had flirted with the idea of moving to L.A. on and off since 2002, but instead I bought property in Austin and landed a dream job (not an easy thing to do there), so I stayed on. Austin is a beautiful, fun city, a great place to be young, and a pleasant, affordable place to raise a family. Eventually I was neither particularly young nor raising a family, and I couldn't deny the need for new challenges after eight years in one place. L.A., that seductive vixen, called me again.

Several of my thirtysomething female friends also moved away from Austin after having lived there for 8-10 years. It seems to be a common trajectory.

It took about a year for me to get from Austin to L.A. My New Year's Resolution was to decide whether to go or to stay. Had to visit L.A. to check it out (had never been here and had no friends in L.A.). Got completely intimidated by the cost of living and decided not to make the move. Reconsidered again after several months. Decided I could keep my place in Austin and find a manager to rent it out, giving me something to fall back on. Five months before making the actual move I had to book one last visit to get another impression of the city (scheduled three months before moving) and to check out the feasibility of finding a roommate out here. Finding that roommate through Craigslist almost did me in, but after driving around checking out one "interesting" living situation after another, I finally found a good one. Since everyone on Craigslist wants a roommate starting immediately (or almost), I had to start paying rent in L.A. before I was 100% sure about the move. I wasn't on a lease so I had the option of backing out. Came back to Austin and started tying things up there. Worked up until Christmas Day, celebrated the holiday, hit the road on the 27th with a friend, travelled through Marfa and Tucson, arrived in L.A. on 12/3o. It took the full month of January to get completely moved in, including taking care of my car registration and getting a California license.

My main reason for moving to L.A. was to experience a really large urban area. A lot of people have asked why I didn't move to New York. I guess because it seemed too cold, and I couldn't get enthusiastic about living in a closet. L.A. seemed like less of a drastic lifestyle change, coming from Austin and having grown up in Houston. In many ways L.A. is a hybrid of those two cities: the endless driving, international diversity, and materialism of Houston, with the natural beauty and hipness (or hippy-drippiness, depending on your viewpoint) of Austin.

One thing about L.A. is that there's a lot of regard for New York-- if someone here has ever lived there, he/ she is sure to let you know it. People are very anxious to affiliate themselves with an East Coast sensibility. Note that these are the only two cities on people's radar here: L.A. and New York.