Curtains

And now it is time to say farewell to Ye Olde Blog, my most trusted and constant companion on this journey of hardship and adventure.

At the nine month mark, I see only a few possible outcomes of my year in Los Angeles. Either the city system will come through for me with a librarian job (full or part time) before the end of October, when my name drops off their list, or the system I'm currently temping with will offer me a permanent position, either in my neighborhood or on the coast. If I'm offered one of the librarian jobs in the Malibu region, I will move to the coast and enjoy breathing the cleaner air.

Barring those possibilities working out, I will return to Austin, an idea I'm increasingly warming to only because it will enable me to scale back on my expenses. Maybe not to the extent of that kooky, forest-dwelling failed actor in "Grizzly Man," but perhaps to a level where I can feasibly work part time, if I find a roommate and give up my car or share it with someone.

I saw the movie "11th Hour" last night and agreed with the central premise, which is that "you can never have enough of the things you don't really want." Or as the song "Express Yourself" so eloquently puts it, "Some people have everything/ and other people don't/ but everything don't mean a thing if it ain't the thing you want."

Along that vein, I think the central issue of our time is the corporate takeover of the planet and subsequent ownership of our lives. The economic game is rigged such that you have to work full time just to survive (and in a lot of cases a full-time job won't even cut it). In order to compensate for the loss of control over your life and time and a lack of community outside of work, you begin to desire "things," which in turn demand even more of your time and money. You also begin to require an unusually exciting life outside of work to make sitting in a cubicle for 40 plus hours a week worth it.

I think when you are young and have hope and the comfort of being surrounded by a peer group in the same boat, you can sustain the illusion that trading your waking hours for money is worth it and will pay off in the end. When you get older, and friends fall away, and you start to age, and romantic relationships don't live up to the hype, reality sets in, the rose petals fall from the eyes, and the idea of trading your life for empty promises begins to grate. I tried a new city to see if things might be different, but my time in Los Angeles has only reinforced those beliefs. The entertainment industry is, indeed, for the young. If I return to Austin, my focus will be on putting all the good free stuff that is under my control back in my life- sleeping in, reading, hanging out, and afternoon naps! Health insurance be damned.

On that note, I am now taking my bow, leaving my fate a mystery. Please leave comments if you have 'em.

An Existential Weekend

Got through the first couple of days at the library temp job, despite suffering insomnia again. It's your standard library gig, with the usual cast of characters amongst the staff (though thankfully everyone seems to get along well) and the patrons. The system is behind on a number of improvements, even quite behind the system I left in Austin, which had really suffered through some lean times.

I do feel like I've done this job before and that I didn't need to move across the country to do it again, but at least I'm getting my finances and professional life back on track, which is something, I suppose. There are also a couple of jobs within the system that I'd be interested in doing permanently that are in intriguing areas of town. Not sure what my chances are, but in the event that no permanent jobs have come through by December and nothing else is keeping me here, I will start making plans to move back to Austin. I just don't have the fight left in me, although it is my roommate's belief that I "haven't tried hard enough."

I'm also debating closing out the blog. It was started in a spirit of movement and change, and now that I'm back in maintenance mode, it may not have much of a point.

I'd like to catch 11th Hour this weekend, you know, just to cheer myself up. I also came across these appealing weekend activities in the August 17th LA Weekly:

Eastern Philosophy Book Group/ Santa Monica Public Library
You're tired, you work too much, you don't know where your life is going or why you're here. Try a little Eastern philosophy.

And--

From the Just-Trust-Us-and-Go Department: When lady comics Karen Kilgariff and Laura Milligan do anything together, you know it’s going to be clever and funny as all get-out (whatever the hell that means). These two always go the extra creative mile, and for The L.A. River Anthology, the pair is joined by Ed Crasnick, Jen Kirkman, Frank Conniff, Eddie Pepitone and others for a spoof of The Spoon River Anthology with a show-biz bent themed “Our Dreams Are Just Dead on the Inside.” You’re practically guaranteed up to eight laughs a minute, followed by a desire to kill yourself.